Santa is Bringing a New Bike!

It is Christmas Eve and for many parents around the globe this means assembling a new bike.   And for some parents it may be their child’s first bike.  It begins easily enough with the unpacking of the new machine followed by the removal of cellophane, tape, nuts, bolts, screws and assorted parts.  You have looked forward to this moment to take an easy half-hour of your silent night and dedicate your ingenuity--and a cold six pack--to the task of giving a child the gift of two-wheeled independence.  

Next comes the trip to basement or the garage for the requisite tools.  Without a doubt you will uncanningly grab a Phillips when what you really need is a regular head screwdriver.  This then leads to the discovery that all of your sockets are in inches and what you need is a metric set.  You realize that is at your neighbor’s house.  

You get to work with a set of substandard tools but above par know-how.  The directions unfold 26 times and it is laid out on the family room floor like the plans to Overlord.  Where to begin?  You query.   When all else fails you look at the picture on the box.  With the age old adage of “lefty-loosy” and “righty-tighty” you get down to business.   At some point in the process, the construction collapses like a house of cards.  You let escape a torrent of obscenities, the spouse enters with a question about the decision to piece the bike together while enjoying adult beverages.   

You gather your senses, determined not to let 12 pounds of disassembled steel tubing and rubber get the best of you.  After a deep breath you begin anew.  The socket slips and the knuckles crash, the screwdriver slides and scrapes the skin.  But, against all odds the machine is taking shape, higher and higher it climbs.  From chain guard to tires to saddle to handlebars the mighty bike is looking much like it was when it was first drawn on a Taiwanese drafting table.   

You rise to your feet and ignore the cracking of your knees as you straighten to take your first glimpse of the red and white shimmering flash of pure speed.  You give it a test roll and it works.  You hold out your tired and mangled hands, you give them thanks for a job well done.  You gaze around the room and wait for an applause that never comes.  It seems everyone has turned out the lights and gone to bed.  They have truly settled down for a long winter’s nap.   So there you stand, chain grease swiped across your brow.  For a short time in the process you where broken, now you are better.  Tomorrow morning your child will thrill at the sight of a new brilliant crimson bicycle and you will revel in the bouquets tossed your way.  A heavenly choir sings in your head while the child states matter-of-factly: “Red! I really wanted the blue bike!” You reach for the first aspirin of Christmas.